I appologize for the melt down yesterday (now deleted).
That was out of line.
I feel the need to be 100% honest with y'all..
I am not ok.
I'm just not.
What am I referring to?
Micah.
I can't/ don't know how to explain what I'm feeling.
Because it's completely irrational.
I know he's not the one for me.
I KNOW it.
But still the thought of me being with someone other than him, makes me feel like I'm about to throw up.. while someone is standing on my chest.
If I can't handle ME with someone else, how am I supposed to handle HIM with someone else?
Explain to me how.
Please.
I mean he already told me in would be months before that happened.. and he was nice enough to ask if I was ok with it.. (how was I supposed to say anything but yes?).
*Sigh*
To make matters worse.. I literally CAN'T cry about this.
It's been four months.
I've only cried about this maybe once.
Y'all.. that's bad.
I cry about EVERYTHING.
I am so freaking emotional.
But for some reason I can't let THIS emotion out.
Anyways.. sorry to spill all this on you.
I just felt I was being fake if I didn't tell you.
In other news: Y'all.. half the truth is still a lie. Just sayin.
I'm pretty excited about the rest of this year.
I turn 17 in a week from today.
I get to hangout with my two best friends this weekend.
I get to hangout with one of said best friends ON my birthday.
Yup.
That's right.
No school on my birthday.
Be jealous.
My mom's family (plus Kt and the boys) are coming for Thanksgiving.
My whole family is coming for Christmas.
I get my braces off in December *fingers crossed*.
I'll be half way done with my Junior year.
Hopefully my heart will be healed.
Yup.
I'm pretty psyched.
Love always,
P.S. Check out this video. freaking awesome!
:-/ I know how you feel. I know exactly how you feel. I promise it'll get better. One day when you don't expect it, you'll realize you feel okay deep down. You'll realize that you can live without him, and you'll know with happy confidence that you are going to find someone else. Until then, acknowledge what you feel. Blog about it, journal about it, talk to a friend. But don't let yourself miss the fun and beauty that's still happening right now :) The sun is totally going to come out on this, just believe it and hang in there.
ReplyDeleteText me any time.
~Stephanie
Thank you.. so much. Gosh.. I really needed to hear that. <3
Deletei totally agree with steph on this one, having been in the same situation you are in now a couple years ago. I thought it was the end of the world. I thought i would never find someone else. i went through a pretty bad spell and everyone kept telling me that it was going to be okay. i had a really REALLY hard time believing them. but now i'm over him and i'm with someone new, who i really really like. i would have never thought i would be where i am now back then, but it will all be nothing but a memory someday and you'll be stronger for it. hang in there girl, it'll be okay :)
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