The water works

  My last post.... Quite possibly may have freaked a few of you out. 

I'm better now. I'm not happy, breathing is still tough, my heart still aches, but I have hope... I have help.

Thank God.... That God cornered me while I was in the shower just a bit ago. 

I knew the moment the water hit me that I couldn't avoid Him anymore, and that I wasn't really mad at Him like I was telling myself. 

I dropped to my knees... Wheezing for air my sobs were coming so quickly. I begged Him to  fix my problem. He told me no. He told me that this will not kill me. He told me that I will come out of this stronger. He told me that fixing my problem now, would be stunting my growth. 

So, I asked Him to help me. To ease the pain, to help me be happy with what I have today. I don't wanna miss out on the beauty of today. I really don't. I so desperately want to be happy. I asked Him to help me to chose happy every single day, to chose a good attitude. 

I ask that prayer from y'all. 

I know that most of you have no idea what's going on. I'm sorry. All I'll say, is you needn't worry. And someday I'll tell you the story.  But please don't push me to share now. If you'd like to pray for me though, I'd love that. 

Shalom