Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Do I Stand-out?

I felt pretty and that's perfectly allowed. 

Zane wanted his breakfast. 

I love my Laina.
Like... more than words can express (to be read in a valley girl accent)

those eyes tho

playing around with a fake nose ring. 

  What I mean is, am I just another cookie cutter eighteen year old girl in this world, or am I different? Do I represent the God I serve? 

  My opinion is this: sometimes I do, but not nearly enough. I've noticed that when people know me on a deep level, then my beliefs are beyond obvious, but to a person I meet on the street, or an acquaintance at a place I commonly go I may not seem different than any other person. 

  ~The music I listen to has a tendency to be questionable. Yes, I listen to good stuff sometimes, but you'll also hear me singing along to "one more night" by Maroon 5... in fact, I own the song.  

  ~I wouldn't say that my clothing is risque, but it's also not particularly modest.  

 ~ The movies I watch... well, I'm definitely not picky enough about that. 

 ~ And then there are the jokes I laugh at and the language I use, and I'm appalled. 

  When I evaluate who I think I am on the inside, and the person I show myself to be on the outside... I don't like what I see, often times. I don't want to blend in with the crowed. I don't want to be part of this world. I now realize that who I thought I was... is not literally who I am, but who I want to be and who I strive to be. 

 So, I'm not going to just listen to Christian music, but I am going to evaluate the lyrics/meanings of the songs I listen to and if it isn't good, then I won't listen. 

  My clothes... well I honestly don't see the clothes I wear as a problem, but I'm going to make a point to keep it that way, and make sure that I'm not dressing to draw attention. 

  Movies are a trickier subject, because going to the movies is bonding time for Papa and I... so what I'm going to do is just make sure I do my research and don't see the really bad ones. 

  The jokes come from my mind set. My mind is in the gutter far to often and I'm working to change that. And my speech... well once again I'm working to clean it up. It's when my emotions are heightened and I'm angry or extremely upset that cussing begins to happen... I need to stop that. 

  I strive to be a light, and right now, in my opinion, I'm a dim one. I need major work. I won't give up. 


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