Thursday, April 2, 2015

Waste My Life

Probably my biggest fear in life, is settling and wasting my life. Not just settling with who I marry, but in every aspect of life. 
You see, I have this burning desire to live full of life and adventure. I long to experience what God has for me. 
The thought of settling actually makes me feel a little sick. 
When I think about traveling, maybe not staying in Texas, marrying someone I don't have in mind, just... Living a much more radical life than I grew up imagining.... It really scares me. But not nearly as much as waking up one day and realizing I let all my potential go to waste. 
That's not to say I won't stay in Texas and marry someone I know, but it means.. I only really want that if it's the most fufilling way to live my life. 
My dreams are big. They involve me actually changing things... Me allowing God to do what He will with me, and thus shaking my world. My dreams absolutely terrify me. But hey, if your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough, right? 

I'm at a weird place in my life where I'm not really sure what direction things are going in... Or even exactly where I *want* them to go... 
I'm trying to just let go and let God and not freak out that I don't have a plan, but that's crazy in my mind. What can I say, I'm a work in progress.

So that's me right now. Living life, making peace with not knowing what's going to happen, and , of course, forever missing the Philippines. 
  I miss doing things Filipino style... Especially how everyone hugs and leans on eachother and all that so much. I even crave it some days.

Life is a crazy ride. Only five more weeks of school.... I don't even know how to process that... 



  1. i think you are right where you need to be. not geographically or maybe spiritually (not that you're in a bad place in either cases) but what I mean is that, at your age and what you are doing and the things you are thinking about and giving words to in this post, are exactly how others in similar situations feel - in other words, you're totally normal and not alone.

    maybe you know that, but it's also nice sometimes when others validate our feelings ;)

    you'll figure out the direction you should take one way or another. i always just kind of walked towards things I seemed to be presented with and have always been taken care of, you know what i mean? something will always show up right when you need it most, even if you didn't know you needed it.

    (ps i'm thinking of turning that Facebook post you asked me about into a blog post instead. and i'll link it to my fb. just wanted you to know i hadn't forgot about it or was ignoring you lol)

    1. You're totally right. I'm just having a hard time making peace with being patient (patience is *not* my strong point), and just living. I know things will workout for the best Nd that God has something great planned for me.

      Sounds like a plan! Thank you :).


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