God uses a goat.

It was a hot afternoon.....

Adon acting like a emo kid..

I love my hair..

STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS

I love that Becky can send me pictures of this sweet girl.

weirdo kids...

cuddles with mommy.

SERIOUSLY?!?!!

  That last picture is what sparked this post. Most of the time, when a goat gets it's head stuck in a fence, it's in a place where they can get to grass. You know, the whole "the grass is always greener on the other side". But in this situation, there was no grass. There weren't even other goats for her to get to. So as I worked through the frustration of this, something hit me: this must be how God feels. We stick our heads through the fence to get the "greener grass" only to find-out there isn't any, but of-course then we're stuck. Lucky for us, God knows how to get us out of the mess (though not without struggle and pain). Unlucky for this goat, I couldn't get her head out (I'm not God) so I have to wait till someone comes home and can help me.

  I find it amusing how God uses day to day happenings to help us understand.

Today my mom left for Cali to see Becky, Kezley, and Daniel, and to meet my dad there so they can drive the Mini Cooper Clubmen they bought from Becky and Daniel. It's a nice little, much needed, vacation for Mom, and quite the opposite for me ;). Thankfully a dear friend is spending the time with me, so I'll have company and help. Prayers for all of us would be much appreciated.

Shalom, 

P.S. A few weeks ago, I did some modeling for a photographer friend who was doing a workshop, checkout the pictures here. I'd love to hear what you think :).

Let God

Someday I want my hair to be this color. 

Day 30: React to the term Letting go.

  Letting go means moving on, it doesn't mean forgetting.
  Letting go means to chose to step away from the past and towards the future.

  I've learned a lot about letting go, in the last year, considering everything that's happened with Micah. Letting go is a process. My first step was to let him go physically. I finally listened to God's prompting, and accepted that I wasn't supposed to be with him.
  Next I had to let Him go emotionally. When we first broke up, the plan was to get back together in a year. After being apart for a few months, we both realized that there was nothing but friendship for in our future. We had to let that fairy tale dream of us, go.
   Right now I'm struggling through letting go of the emotions tied to my memories with him. I will never forget our time together, and I wouldn't want to, but I need to be able to look back without being flooded by emotion. Personally, I believe that this is the hardest step of all.

  Letting go... it's an interesting and important concept. Without letting go, we have no chance for the bright future God has planned. I mean, if I refused to let Micah go... well I'd never get my happily ever after, now would I? Today is 10 days shy of a year being single. I have to say that, though I tire of being alone at times, letting Micah go was one of the best choices I've ever made. God has so much better for me. He's cool like that ;).


Shalom, 

Be a firewheel in a field of daisies.

Things you've learned that school won't teach you. 

   Don't be afraid to standout and be who you are. Life has been this way since the beginning of time, the person who stands out is obviously in the wrong, says the world.

  You know what I say? Be YOU. Show the world you're crazy, querky, out of the box personality.


Shalom, 

The event that gave me my one thing I wish I could change.

The topic for today is :Tell a story from your childhood. Dig deep and try to remember how you felt. 

When I was reminded what today is... I knew exactly what memory to talk about.

Rewind to 7 years ago today. A ten year old, oblivious me, was just doing her school in the living room. If I remember correctly, I was home alone with Becky and Ethan. My parents were out of town. Becky walks into the room and hands me a phone, telling me that Shelli has something to tell me. I don't remember how she worded it, but this is what she told me: Michael Burrhus (a man from my church) had died in a motorcycle accident on the way to work.
I don't think reality hit me until we were at his funeral a few days later, and I saw his wife Anita (Nene is what I've always called her) sobbing uncontrollably at the alter. This man, who was basically like an uncle to me (Nene is still like an aunt) was gone. I'd taken for granted knowing him most of my life. I was annoyed by all his teasing, but now? I would do anything to have that time back.
Mike was the kind of man that you couldn't help but love. He blessed every life he touched, and brought a smile to every face. He cherished his family,  and made those that weren't his blood feel like family.
I remember the months after his death... seeing Nene crying during worship at church, and just going to her and us hugging eachother and crying together. I, we all still miss him so much. Just writing about him is breaking my heart all over again. He's the reason I can't stand motorcycles, and he is the one thing that I wish I could change. No, I wouldn't bring him back, but I would cherish the time I got to spend with him more. I would ask him more questions about life, and just be with him. Oh how I would do things differently..

Love and miss you Mike. 

Shalom, 

My lot in life, but do I really have cause to complain?

  So today's topic is : Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it. 

  As soon as I read that today, I felt God pulling on my heart to share something very personal and close to me.

  This is a post I've been trying to write for awhile now, but today is the day God has in mind. Here goes:

  I was born with a condition, disease, defect, whatever you would like to call it, called Female Epispadias. I think it's safe to say that most, if not all of you don't know what that is, so here's the break down. 
When I was born, instead of having a neck and sphincter at the bottom of my bladder, it was just open. My mom noticed (with me being her fourth girl) that I didn't look normal down there, so I had plastic surgery when I was a baby to look normal. 
  It wasn't until I was 3 or so (whatever the normal potty training age is), that my mom realized something was wrong. She would put me in underwear instead of a diaper, and I'd be wet immediately. Next the doctor visits began, they took me to a Urologist in Austin. A simple procedure to measure the size of my bladder was done (water was inserted into my bladder and then an ultrasound was done.). Well with only 30 cc (I think) my bladder popped. Emergency surgery was done to sew me back up, and I have a pretty epic scar on my abdomen from it. 
  So the prognosis was this, I had to wear diapers all the time. Between 3 and 9 (I think..) I had several surgeries to make my life easier. Something called deflux(kind of a hardening gel) was inserted on either side of the neck of my bladder to act as a sphincter of sorts. Through the surgeries and me working hard to stretch my bladder, I eventually was able to only wear diapers at night and wear pads during the day (which is a huge upgrade by the way). Unfortunately, there's no medical 100% fix for this. 
  I've always known that God is bigger than my problems though. Last August, a week or so before I left for my California trip, I listened to the prompting of God's voice... despite how scary it was... and slept without a diaper OR pad. I was perfectly fine, but oh me of little faith. Did i trust Gods healing and stop usin diapers and pads? No, I instead  quit wearing diapers, and switched to just pads all the time. God reminded me of this when I was packing for the trip. My plan had been to take diapers, just because I would be sharing a bed with people.. and it wouldn't be my bed. Well, as I was packing, I began to get frustrated. For one, I'd never packed without my mom there if I needed her, and two, I couldn't fit everything I needed in my suitcase. I began to fall apart and cry. I can't really explain why I was so scared, but I was. A small voice said "Call Angela". So I did. I called my lovely youth leader and spilled my guts to her. She told me that the devil was trying to take my victory. She told me not to be scared, and to claim what God has given me. I went on that trip with just pads, and haven't worn a diaper since. 
  My own fear of failure has kept me from taking the next step. You see, people have been praying miraculous healing over me, my entire life. But God has another way for me. He has something great to teach me here, and I'm too chicken to learn it. This is a subject that terrifies me, because I finally know what to do, and I can't seem to make myself do it. This isn't the first time God's tried to teach me obedience and trust.  
  So this is my life, my journey. I just bared one of the deepest parts of my soul to you. I hope that maybe my life, err God's work through my life, can teach you something. 

Shalom,