Saturday, October 12, 2013

Explosion. Clean up on Red Mountain Ranch

  A bit dramatic? Perhaps, but that's how I feel. 
Can I just take a moment to vent? No? Tough, this is my blog. 

Ok, so I'm a senior, right? I'm five days from my 18th birthday, and finishing up this chapter of my life... Preparing for the chapter to come. 

My mom... She says she's not sure I'll graduate this year. I'm not sure if she's joking around when she says that ( and tells it to people), or if she has a legitimate belief that I may not graduate this year. The former is probably more likely, but it doesn't rule the latter out. 

Y'all, I've never been the model student. Procrastination has been my close friend all throughout life. But my mom hasn't even given me a chance this year.
I had a week or so of school before I left for Florida. I wasn't perfect, but I wasn't bad either. And now I've been home two school days, and my mom is all over me. I get that I need to do my work and get back into it, but seriously? If I'm getting anything done, it's an accomplishment. I've been on freaking VACATION for the last two and a half weeks. 

Y'all... I'm legitimately scared. My mom might not have the faith in me to believe that I can do this. Our moms are always supposed to believe in us. If my mom doesn't believe in me, then how the heck am I supposed to believe in myself. I have dreams.. Aspirations for the future. For next fall! I want to do something.... LEARN something in my last year of high school. I'm scared that my friends laziness and procrastination will win out though, and I'll end up amounting to nothing like I dreamed about. 

Man, I'm a mess aren't I? And I didn't even share all my problems... Ugh. 



  1. There's a difference between your mom not believing in you and observing what she thinks is a lack of scholastic effort. She could believe in you wholeheartedly but if you don't try your best you'll still fail. What she thinks is less important than what you do and it sounds like you do what to do better. It's hard to get out of vacation mode but if you start off the year slow it'll be harder to catch up later. Your mom could be trying to predict the future, saying what she thinks will happen if things go on the way they have been.

    What is it you want to do in the future? Do grades have any bearing on it or not?

    1. Yeah, you could be right.

      Aside from a gap year college I want to go to in the fall (it's a 9 month program), I don't have a clue what I want to do future wise.


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