The Fever

  You know when you're aching... itching... to write, but you just can't get the words out? That's me right now. I'm no writer. I don't have grace to my writing. I'm just me, and at the moment, that's the problem. I have so much on my heart, just begging to be poured out.

  I want to tell God that I don't appreciate where He has me at the moment, because it's extremely painful. I know that once I'm through it, I'll be thankful for the work that God is doing, but that doesn't change how it hurts now.

  I'm going through such a transition time right now. A time of growth and learning and that's never easy. I don't ask it to go away... I just wish it wasn't so hard.

  God is teaching me to  forbear.  Forbearance = enduring difficulty.
He's also teaching me patience, which, just happens to be one of the things I'm the very worst at. Hints the struggle and pain. It'll be worth it in the end. I'm not worried about that. So I'm holding on. I'm trudging through my days. Some days are better than others. Some hold more promise than I'd think. I'm not gonna waste them. I'm taking full advantage of where I am in my life. I pray for better days, yes, but I'm not willing to miss out in the good of today. No matter how painful it may be.

  Today hurts. I'll admit that it hurts a lot. I'm lonely and weary. I was reading my Bible this morning and today's Psalms chapter, was chapter 6 : Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath. Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint; heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in deep anguish. How long, Lord, how long? Turn, Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. Among the dead no one proclaims your name. Who praises you from the grave? I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes. Away from me all who do evil, for the Lord has heard my weeping. The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer. All my enemies will be overwhelmed with shame and anguish; they will turn back and suddenly be put to shame. 

That hit a nerve with me. The Lord hears my cry for mercy and He accepts my prayer. I'm in anguish, but The Lord will save me because of His unfailing love. It's not about getting revenge. I don't want that. It's about God loving us and saving us. My God saves. In His own timing.


Shalom,