It's hard to let go of hurt. Especially when 1) the person who did the hurting continues to remind you of the pain, and 2) Those closest to you have lost faith/ patience in you.
I have a strong desire to do what's right. I have a heart for God and I want to please Him. Unfortunately I'm human and one thing that is a major struggle for me is anger. I have a super short temper and very little patience. Especially when I don't like the person in the first place. My blood boils very quickly, and I say things that deep down I know I don't mean. I'm a peaceful person at heart, but I'm also a fighter for justice and those two things butt heads a lot. Confrontation makes my heart ache and head spin.
I wish I could just walk away from everything that I've been dealing with. I wish I could. To an extent, I can. I can move on from the anger... I mean I've done it before. The anger is the harmful and ungodly part. It isn't easy, but it's do able. I was going to say that for that to happen, I need something from someone else, but that's not true. I'm responsible for me. I can choose to be happy and not let the anger consume me. That's up to me. It's up to me to show love like God asks. I mean, what kind of Christian am I being by only showing love if someone "deserves" it.
I am sincere in my desire. I'm bad at this so I will likely slip up again and again, but I *am* sincere. My attitude has been wrong.
thoughts/ advice?
Shalom,
well as someone who also holds on to their anger, i know a little bit of how you feel. letting go is SO hard, especially when we feel the other person is in the wrong and that they should apologize to us. The best advice I've heard about dealing with this is to pray unceasingly about it. pray for that person, not necessarily for you. it's hard to be mad at someone you keep praying for. Also, writing can be therapeutic so write a letter to that person with every mean thing you'd ever want to say. don't worry about being judged or being hateful because that person is NEVER going to see that letter - writing it is specifically for you to get it out of your body in order to allow yourself to move on. After you write the letter you can burn it or rip it up so that you are signifying the letting go of those feelings and allowing yourself to move forward with your life.
ReplyDeleteand as humans, we are prone to relapsing but that's what's so great about God and His forgiveness - He understands your heart even better than you do so when you take a step backward, He is right there to help you step forward again.
Thank you... So much. I fully intend to take your advice.
ReplyDeleteI am so thankful that God has not only sent me people with wisdom such as you, but that He is by my side.
Natalie had some awesome advice. I can sorttt of relate via high school experiences (which is why I wanted to get out of hs so bad!), with the shortest example being that I was asked by two friends to do something extremely out of my comfort zone. I disagreed, which made them upset, and they began telling me I was a bad friend and tried to pressure me into it. I responded with what I thought at the time was wise- I laid out why I made the decision in hopes that they could recognize it and understand it. Instead, they used it as an excuse to change my words and gang up on me. They made wild accusations, brought up unrelated topics just to make me feel bad about myself, and told me things like "I understand why no one else likes you" and then went into detail with naming people and reasons. It sucked. What I really wanted to do was scream at them, tell them how wrong they were, tell their families what they were asking me to do, and let the world know how awful they were being, but instead I prayed. It was INSANELY hard, but I apologized for whatever wrongs I may have done and feelings I may have hurt and left it at the feet of Jesus instead in my own hands. I couldn't have done it without Him. I have used that approach from then on, and it has worked well.
ReplyDeleteThe point of sharing that isn't to talk about myself or make me sound like a saint, but to share what I did and how it helped leave things at the best point they can be left at. Chances are that if you are working with an unreasonable person he/she will NOT want to fix things, stop fighting, apologize, let things go, stop talking about it/spreading rumors...you name it. Chances are that no matter what you do it will not seem to change them.You just have to be willing to let it go when you really can do no more. It seems like you are doing the best you can do- recognizing the situation and looking at your own behavior to see if it needs changing.
Hold true to what you believe, be forgiving, and seek forgiveness for any wrongs that have been done (whether real or imaginary). Pray, ask God's guidance, and delve into His teachings.
I'm sure you already know all this, though :)
I hope this was at least something, even though it's coming from a seventeen year old :P praying for you and your situation! <3
First, I'm so sorry that you went through all that...
DeleteSecond, thank you for sharing all that with me. It's inspiring to see that someone got through something so awful.
I've definitely made mistakes in this situation and I've asked for forgiveness. I've done about all I can I think.
Praying is something I need to be much more diligent about though.
Also, don't ever let someone look down on you because of your age.
Thank you; if anything, I'm grateful for the situation because it taught me some great life lessons. Plus, you find out who your friends are, right? And it sounds like the only thing you really can do now is pray, which is the most powerful force anyway (I can relate with needing to be more diligent with prayer too, so I hear ya!). At least you have this opportunity to serve God in unexpected ways and by standing up for your faith even when it gets tough, right? I respect that you can stand your ground despite the tough situations that might come out of it. Not a lot of people do that.
DeleteAnd thanks :)
This situation has been the hardest thing I've ever been through to date, but I believe that this is one reason that God made me to be so stubborn. My hard headedness has helped me keep true to what God has told me. It's helped me keep true to what's right.
DeleteI just spent a good half hour praying about all this while I was working on my chores. That actually was a pretty good plan because I couldn't be focused on it enough to get upset, but it was just enough for me to be sincere in my prayer.
I'm so glad that you have learned lessons and taken good things away from that hard time you went through :).