It's hard to let go of hurt. Especially when 1) the person who did the hurting continues to remind you of the pain, and 2) Those closest to you have lost faith/ patience in you.
I have a strong desire to do what's right. I have a heart for God and I want to please Him. Unfortunately I'm human and one thing that is a major struggle for me is anger. I have a super short temper and very little patience. Especially when I don't like the person in the first place. My blood boils very quickly, and I say things that deep down I know I don't mean. I'm a peaceful person at heart, but I'm also a fighter for justice and those two things butt heads a lot. Confrontation makes my heart ache and head spin.
I wish I could just walk away from everything that I've been dealing with. I wish I could. To an extent, I can. I can move on from the anger... I mean I've done it before. The anger is the harmful and ungodly part. It isn't easy, but it's do able. I was going to say that for that to happen, I need something from someone else, but that's not true. I'm responsible for me. I can choose to be happy and not let the anger consume me. That's up to me. It's up to me to show love like God asks. I mean, what kind of Christian am I being by only showing love if someone "deserves" it.
I am sincere in my desire. I'm bad at this so I will likely slip up again and again, but I *am* sincere. My attitude has been wrong.