Nothing worth having is easy

  What is worth having? Peace. Shalom. But is it easy to reach? No. Not even a little bit. It's painful. 

Y'all, I'm so frustrated. There are things in my life that make me so happy. Like some of my friends. New and old ones. And having Becky with her family so close. And the excitement that's to come. 

But then I get all sucked up in the shittyness of life. I feel like I'm being burried alive. I feel like... The bad far out weighs the good. I feel like.... I'm a spectator of my life. I can see how stubborn I am. I can see how nasty I can be.... But it's like fixing it is just out of reach. 

I know of course that this isn't true and if I surrender control to God and do as He says, I'll find the shalom I'm looking for and so much more. 

But it's so so hard. Y'all.... The devil knows exactly where to hit me and how to do it to make it hurt the most. 

I won't give up. I've decided that the pain on where I am far exceeds the pain of changing, but I have a long road ahead.... 

Prayers would be more than appreciated. I'm so ready to be past this... 

Shalom