Let's be real for a minute. Not that I haven't been truthful, but I also haven't opened up about any of the struggles with being here, either.
Despite my love for this place, some moments have been so hard it's nearly brought me to tears.
You see, even in the States I have a core struggle. I struggle with feeling unwanted in situations. I'm often different than many of those I'm around, and I can be awkward, so I just feel.. Like an unneeded adition, sometimes. Last summer I came to a place of understanding where this stems from, and realizing it's lies from the devil. Even so, the struggle is still there.
Being in a different country, with different customs, a different language, and just a different way of thinking and doing things, seriously magnifies this struggle.
The language barrier probably triggers it the most. I've had a few moments here, experiencing such deep loneliness that I didn't know was possible.
Normally I'm ok sitting in the room while everyone speaks Tagalog, but then sometimes the devil slips in, and I feel incredibly shut out. Unwanted.
This isn't because of the people I'm here with. Seriously, they are all really great. The devil just knows exactly how to hit me where it hurts. He won't win though. I won't back away, just because the devil is trying to get me to. I will fight on. God is good, and He is with me.