I have this... Longing to be different. Not that I want to standout among my peers, or that the idea of standing alone because I'm different appeals to me, but I want to live my life sold out for God.
Most days I feel like I kind of live half way. I often seek God and I worship Him and I do things/ live my life in a way that isn't popular; but most of the time I'm not sold out for Him.
I think the reason why I'm not, is because the idea of being alone scares me. Truly following God isn't easy or popular. It means living your life serving others. It means that you don't go out on the weekends and wake up hungover next to someone you met the night before.
Following God can be lonely. The people you love most/ love you the most may not understand.
But following God is also the most fufilling thing you could ever do with your life. It has the most joy and peace. Not because life is easy and has no trials, but because God is the source of our joy and peace no matter what circumstance we're going through.
Frankly, I don't want to walk it alone. I want those I love most to be marching right with me, as we seek God's plan for our lives, but that's their choice, not mine.
Many Christians are happy just living a "good life", and then there's even more people who don't even say they're Christians.
That makes things hard for me. But deep down my heart knows that God's way is the only way for me. You see, I've taken a sip of the presence of God and it is the sweetest, most satisfying thing I've ever tasted. I have never been more joyful than when I'm walking in His presence. There is no other choice for me. It's worth being a loner. It's worth missing out on the worldly "fun". He is worth it all.