Have you ever experienced the feeling that you're just floating through life? No real direction, just going with the flow?
That's where I'm at currently. I'm living back on the ranch, looking for a job just so I can take care of myself, and kind of just... Mindlessly going about my days.
I've been told to pursue my passions, but I don't even know how to begin to do that. Or even what that would mean.
It's already late June, I've been home for over two months, and I've slipped into this rut. I do stuff for mom, hangout with Becky and the girls, see friends, watch tv, sleep, go for walks... You get the idea. Not that any of that is bad, but I've gotten lazy and lost modivation to even figure out what I want to do.
Of course I still have the big, long term goals of marriage and kids, but it's not like I can make that happen.
Would I love to be back in the Philippines? Of course. That's hard though... It's expensive, I'd want to kind of do my own ministry thing and not just solely be part of CG, and then there's the fact that moving indefinitely is a much bigger deal than a three month trip. It would be so hard to leave family. I'd have to be quite sure.
Would I love to be spontaneous and move away to some city? Sure, but I have no peace about that.
Does going to school sound like the most logical option future wise? Yes. But literally no part of me wants that, and I have a hard time making myself do it just because it's logical.
So I'm floating. I don't know what next week brings, but I'm just gonna go with the flow. That and I'm going to be more productive with my days. Baby steps though.