Sunday, June 19, 2016

Floater


   Have you ever experienced the feeling that you're just floating through life? No real direction, just going with the flow? 
 
   That's where I'm at currently. I'm living back on the ranch, looking for a job just so I can take care of myself, and kind of just... Mindlessly going about my days. 

    I've been told to pursue my passions, but I don't even know how to begin to do that. Or even what that would mean. 

   It's already late June, I've been home for over two months, and I've slipped into this rut. I do stuff for mom, hangout with Becky and the girls, see friends, watch tv, sleep, go for walks... You get the idea. Not that any of that is bad, but I've gotten lazy and lost modivation to even figure out what I want to do. 

   Of course I still have the big, long term goals of marriage and kids, but it's not like I can make that happen. 

    Would I love to be back in the Philippines? Of course. That's hard though... It's expensive, I'd want to kind of do my own ministry thing and not just solely be part of CG, and then there's the fact that moving indefinitely is a much bigger deal than a three month trip. It would be so hard to leave family. I'd have to be quite sure. 

    Would I love to be spontaneous and move away to some city? Sure, but I have no peace about that. 

    Does going to school sound like the most logical option future wise? Yes. But literally no part of me wants that, and I have a hard time making myself do it just because it's logical. 

   So I'm floating. I don't know what next week brings, but I'm just gonna go with the flow. That and I'm going to be more productive with my days. Baby steps though. 

Shalom

6 comments:

  1. I don't have a lot of great advice, but I do want to affirm you that going to school "just because it's logical" is not necessarily the right thing. If you don't want to and you don't know what you want to study at all, then it can be a huge waste of time, money, and energy. So don't stress or feel guilty that you aren't pursuing college right this second. If you're meant to go, then you'll feel it. Something or someone will push you, and you'll hear God say, "Okay. Now." But until then, don't think you're doing anything wrong by waiting :) <3

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    1. That's really helpful. Thank you :). And that means a lot coming from someone who is a college graduate (super proud of you btw).

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    2. Thank you! :) Also, Gabe JUST finished his freshman year of college. He worked and did other things for three years until he had a better idea of what he wanted to do.

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    3. Oh wow, that's great! Who knows, that may be me. Or it may not. Who knows at this point. Haha

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  2. I'm totally with Stephanie on this one. Sometimes, it's a really, REALLY good thing to just float for a while. So much of life is so busy and changing all the time, that you will miss this period where you can just float. You are still young and you have plenty of time to figure out what you want to do. So take advantage of that. Be young. Get a job that's just "okay" for a bit. Or be a little picky and take a little longer and find one that you really think "fits" you and what you'd like to do. I have lucked into a couple jobs where I sat through the interview and thought "well, whatever happens, happens." And you know what? Some of those were the absolute best jobs. And the one I'm currently in is actually the PERFECT fit for me right now. It allows me so many opportunities to shine in my different areas of expertise that I never thought I'd be doing when I applied to be a medical receptionist from a job ad I found on Craigslist of all places.

    Plus, if I could go back in time and give any advice to my younger self it would be to slow down. Life isn't a race and it's not about who gets through quicker or who is more ambitious from the time they're born or anything like that. Allow yourself the time to "float" it will only benefit you in the long run.

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    1. That's really helpful, thank you :)

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