My heart has been in crazy places lately. Selfish places... and painful places.
The selfish place resulted in someone getting hurt by something I took part in... and then I was the one to tell said person about it. I never wanted them to get hurt. I never meant for that to happen. It was the last thing I ever wanted happening, but it happened anyways. I have to live with that. I'm sorry for the part I played. I know that "sorry" doesn't make it better. It doesn't make the pain go away, but it does mean that I'm not a completely heartless, despicable human being. I'm sorry doesn't change how I feel about the situation, but it does mean I hate how it effects said person. I pray that God eases their pain, and that they find complete comfort in His will.
The painful place? Is my dad. Papa. The man whose always been a constant fixture in my life. The man who is the head of the house, but he doesn't pray with us, read the Bible with us, God to church with us, or even share our faith. THAT... breaks my heart. He's not an absent father, but he's also not the Christian counsel I need. His soul isn't saved, and I'm no help there. I'm not exactly a model Christian. I really do try, but I'm constantly failing, and Papa sees me fail every day. How am I supposed to be a light, to my own father when a perfect stranger could see what a screw up I am???
Shalom,
I've known people who were faithful Christians with no family help whatsoever. It's hard to accept but everyone has their own choice to make and as convinced as we may be that we're right, they just don't see it the same way.
ReplyDeleteAs for being imperfect...that could almost be a good thing. He may realize the point is you don't have to be a perfect saint. So long as you actually try your best that's what we can offer. How does he feel about your beliefs, is he respectful of them even though he does't share them?
My mom raised my four siblings and I in church, all by herself. So, though Papa has never seen the value in going to church, he's never had an issue with us going. Now, I'm not sure how he would react to my desire to go to college that is strongly based around learning about God (It's a subject I've yet to bring up, since it would effect every aspect of my life.
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