And it was in that moment... that everything changed.

Today's Blogtember topic is : Describe a distinct moment when your life took a turn.


My moment would have to be... June 8, 2012... sometime in the evening. It was the last time Micah came over. It was the last time I was kissed by someone who wasn't a small child. It was the night I became single again... after almost two years of being taken.

That night changed me in a way I never thought possible. I never once believed that it meant what it did. That it meant we would never be together again. I also never believed that I would be OK with that.

I find myself... 15 months later... a different person. I've changed for the better. Part of me will always love Micah Hodges. Despite how dysfunctional and messed up our relationship was, I really loved him. That doesn't just go away. Someday though, the man God has promised me... the one He made with me in mind, will come to me, and I'll understand what all this changing was really for. So that I could be the woman he needs. We'll both have our scars from past pains, but we'll have eachother.

You see... on that warm night in June last year... my life completely changed. I didn't know it yet, but God was preparing me for my husband. I used to look back on that night and my heart would just hurt... all the mistakes made, but now I look back and feel purpose. I am who I am because of the mistakes that lead to that night. I'm thankful for it all.



Shalom, 

INFJ

Heck yes. 

For today's Blogtember topic, I took this personality test.

My results were INFJ

33% Introvert, 12% iNtuitive, 88% Feeling, and 11% Judging.

I googled INFJ to figure out how accurate it was, and here's some cool stuff I found. :


INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them.the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective.

My jaw literally dropped as I was reading that. That's me. It's kind of scary how well that describes me...

You should take the test too. I'd love to hear about your results :). 


Shalom, 

The wake up call.

My sweet Archie. She's the best dog in the world. Becky said I look like I'm 10 in this picture....

I couldn't get over the sky... 

God really out did Himself when He painted the sky for me last night. 

Such a pretty night for a walk.

Can I just say that I have some of the most amazing friends on the planet? Okay, so yesterday was an extra mopey, and just down day for me. I was complaining to one of my best friends, Abby Chandler. We were just texting and sometimes she tends to disappear, well last night was one of those times. It didn't bother me really, I was tired, so I went to bed. I slipped off into dream land and was woken up around 12:30 Am. I don't remember what my dream was, but I do know my eyes were wet, anyways, it was Abby... this is what she had to say:

"And I just realized I never responded, I thought I had. You aren't a mess... I'm just sad you think that. Where is the positive, radiant and self confident Alana who had been showing her beautiful face so much these past few months? 

Not just the past few months, this past year I have seen so many positive changes in your attitude and outlook on life. Micah often brought you down. Don't let this situation make you, make the situation. 

I'm so sad right now..... 

I'm dredging up all these memories, these terrible memories that make me want to claw whatever part of my being it is that feels, out. I'm the pathetic one. I'm the one who is a mess.. you've no idea the darkness I carry around in me all of the time. And no matter the change I so desperately want, it wont happen.. I cleave to the very things that make me so impure, so ridiculously worldly and disgusting. You're a vessel of light. You're beautiful. You are going to be out of high school soon, you'll be driving soon, you will be 18 soon;) you have sooo much to look forward to in the next few years, and I understand you are excited about meeting your life partner, and being with him, but don't let time slip through your fingers. It sounds cliche but as hard is here and now is, the next step will always prove to be a little more challenging. Try to find at least one good thing about your day. If you can't, jut remember there will never be another today, and we aren't promised a tomorrow, babe. As they say, YOLO ;)"

Needless to say... my eyes were REALLY wet after reading that. She showed me something. I'm so busy living for "tomorrow" and being excited about whats to come, that I've become depressed and bitter about "today". That's not right. God has so many amazing things for me in my future, but I can't get there by being a bitter, grumpy, whiny person today. I need to live every moment like it's my last, and be thankful for all I have right now. 

Today's Blogtember topic is : Tell us about a time you were afraid. 

I'm not going to, though, because I think the story above fills the bill on that one. I'm afraid right now. I'm afraid that who I am is going to screw up who I want to be and the future I want to have. They're irrational fears, but fears none the less. So there you have it. 

Shalom, 

My two cents.

 I know, I know, I didn't post yesterday. My bad. I left the house at 9 and didn't get home till 4:30, so I was tired. Mom and I took Papa to Austin because he was leaving for Europe a didn't want to leave a car a the airport for 12 days :(. Sad to see him go... BUT I did get a Thunder Cloud Sub (If you've never had one, and your ever in Austin, Tx, it's a must.) AND a hair cut... so that made it better. You want a picture?? ;)

Before

Before. Gosh my hair was long...

AFTER! I probably cut 10 or 12 inches off!

I have a piece of exciting news to share....

Each kid has a number on them for the order they were born in.... Becky has a 7 on her belly.... because SHE'S PREGNANT!!!! This is how she told us!!! We're all so excited :D


So, I read this article. I'd love it if you'd read it and give me your opinion. I COMPLETELY agree with the author on every point.

Moving on....
Today on Blogtember the topic is: Pass on some useful advice or information you learned and always remembered. 

All my life I've heard the phrase "God won't give you more than you can handle.", but in the last year or so I've come to find... that's complete bull crap.

The phrase should be "God won't give you more than HE can handle.". I've been through a lot in the last few years. Some has been because of my own choices, and some has just been life; but I know that if I'd continued to try to handle it on my own, I wouldn't still be here today. You see, I've been in dark places. I've been suicidal. I've been depressed and the only reason I'm here today, is because God saved me. I didn't save myself. I wasn't strong enough. I gave up. I fell apart, and He swooped in and picked up the pieces.

I wasn't strong enough, and neither are you. GOD is though. He wants to desperately to help you. His yolk is light. Give your troubles to Him.




Shalom, 

Blogtember

  Back in May, I participated in the "blog everyday in May" challenge. Now Jenni from Story Of My Life has done it again. Though this time she's being much easier on us... Today is our first day, and we only have to blog week days. You can find the challenge here.

The topic for today is: Describe where or what you come from.


Where do I come from??? Oh goodness, here goes.
I come from two hard working, silly, loving people.
I come from Red Mountain Ranch, which has seen plenty of my blood sweat and tears.
I come from a home of mayhem, and I don't quite know whether I should be sad about not remembering what it was like for everyone to live here.
I come from my three amazing, funny, terrifying, strong, mean, loving sisters and my one jerk, goofball, joking buddy of a brother.
I'm quite convinced that I come from music, singing, because it flows from my heart and soul.
I come from a father... a Papa who strongly values hard-work, honesty, and helping other people.
I come from a mother... a Mama who is the strongest woman I know. She has held onto her faith, despite not having a husband who shares it. She taught five kids, runs a ranch, runs a house, and does all the book work. Basically, I come from a super hero.
Lastly, I come from God. Without Him... nothing else would be possible. I pray that my kids will have such good things to say about where they come from.


Shalom,