The wake up call.

My sweet Archie. She's the best dog in the world. Becky said I look like I'm 10 in this picture....

I couldn't get over the sky... 

God really out did Himself when He painted the sky for me last night. 

Such a pretty night for a walk.

Can I just say that I have some of the most amazing friends on the planet? Okay, so yesterday was an extra mopey, and just down day for me. I was complaining to one of my best friends, Abby Chandler. We were just texting and sometimes she tends to disappear, well last night was one of those times. It didn't bother me really, I was tired, so I went to bed. I slipped off into dream land and was woken up around 12:30 Am. I don't remember what my dream was, but I do know my eyes were wet, anyways, it was Abby... this is what she had to say:

"And I just realized I never responded, I thought I had. You aren't a mess... I'm just sad you think that. Where is the positive, radiant and self confident Alana who had been showing her beautiful face so much these past few months? 

Not just the past few months, this past year I have seen so many positive changes in your attitude and outlook on life. Micah often brought you down. Don't let this situation make you, make the situation. 

I'm so sad right now..... 

I'm dredging up all these memories, these terrible memories that make me want to claw whatever part of my being it is that feels, out. I'm the pathetic one. I'm the one who is a mess.. you've no idea the darkness I carry around in me all of the time. And no matter the change I so desperately want, it wont happen.. I cleave to the very things that make me so impure, so ridiculously worldly and disgusting. You're a vessel of light. You're beautiful. You are going to be out of high school soon, you'll be driving soon, you will be 18 soon;) you have sooo much to look forward to in the next few years, and I understand you are excited about meeting your life partner, and being with him, but don't let time slip through your fingers. It sounds cliche but as hard is here and now is, the next step will always prove to be a little more challenging. Try to find at least one good thing about your day. If you can't, jut remember there will never be another today, and we aren't promised a tomorrow, babe. As they say, YOLO ;)"

Needless to say... my eyes were REALLY wet after reading that. She showed me something. I'm so busy living for "tomorrow" and being excited about whats to come, that I've become depressed and bitter about "today". That's not right. God has so many amazing things for me in my future, but I can't get there by being a bitter, grumpy, whiny person today. I need to live every moment like it's my last, and be thankful for all I have right now. 

Today's Blogtember topic is : Tell us about a time you were afraid. 

I'm not going to, though, because I think the story above fills the bill on that one. I'm afraid right now. I'm afraid that who I am is going to screw up who I want to be and the future I want to have. They're irrational fears, but fears none the less. So there you have it. 

Shalom, 

I don't appreciate what I have like I should.

No make-up and you know what? I don't care :)

"Push me Wanna!!"

Fun in the pool with Kezley and Becky :)

  This weeks Whatever Wednesday topic is : Someone or something you take for granted.

 I've put a lot of thought into this... and I think I'm pretty good about not taking the people in my life for granted, but I do take my life in general for granted.

 God has blessed me with the beautiful ranch, the ability to grow up worshiping my God when and where I want, being home schooled, the list goes on.

  I'm one of those people that largely lives in the future. I'm constantly planning/ thinking about what's to come. It's rare that I just live in the moment and take it all in.

  I realize that this isn't good... because one day I'll look back and kick myself for not being thankful for the moment I was in.

  The truth is, I have a great life. Is it a super easy one with no problems? Absolutely not, but it's a blessed life. I don't have the boyfriend I want nor am I graduated yet. I don't have my license and I don't see my friends as much as I'd like to. Papa isn't a Christian... but he is an active part of my life. My sisters don't all live close by, but they come to visit, and I can call or text them anytime I want.

  My point is... everything won't always be rosey.... but this life I live? The life that God has given me to live? It's a really great one. I'm gonna work hard to not take it for granted as much.



Shalom, 

 

God uses a goat.

It was a hot afternoon.....

Adon acting like a emo kid..

I love my hair..

STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS

I love that Becky can send me pictures of this sweet girl.

weirdo kids...

cuddles with mommy.

SERIOUSLY?!?!!

  That last picture is what sparked this post. Most of the time, when a goat gets it's head stuck in a fence, it's in a place where they can get to grass. You know, the whole "the grass is always greener on the other side". But in this situation, there was no grass. There weren't even other goats for her to get to. So as I worked through the frustration of this, something hit me: this must be how God feels. We stick our heads through the fence to get the "greener grass" only to find-out there isn't any, but of-course then we're stuck. Lucky for us, God knows how to get us out of the mess (though not without struggle and pain). Unlucky for this goat, I couldn't get her head out (I'm not God) so I have to wait till someone comes home and can help me.

  I find it amusing how God uses day to day happenings to help us understand.

Today my mom left for Cali to see Becky, Kezley, and Daniel, and to meet my dad there so they can drive the Mini Cooper Clubmen they bought from Becky and Daniel. It's a nice little, much needed, vacation for Mom, and quite the opposite for me ;). Thankfully a dear friend is spending the time with me, so I'll have company and help. Prayers for all of us would be much appreciated.

Shalom, 

P.S. A few weeks ago, I did some modeling for a photographer friend who was doing a workshop, checkout the pictures here. I'd love to hear what you think :).

Day 28: Only Pictures. Fun with Meredith before church

B-E-A-UTIFUL

  (Am I the only one who says beautiful like that in their head to make sure you spell it right?? Gotta love Bruce Almighty!)

The topic of the day? Rant about something. Get up on your soap box and tell us how you really feel. 

  It's hard to miss the rude person whose been calling me anorexic and ugly the last few months anonymously right here on my blog. Obviously I know better, and their nasty words don't change that, but it's really go me thinking... what about the girls who don't know that their pretty?

  I wish I understood why it's such a normal human default to put other people down. Whether we're being serious or just kidding, insults are typically the first words that come out of our mouths. We're constantly tearing people down for one reason or another and not caring about the consequences.

  What if you're words were the last straw for that person and they go home and kill themselves? If your answer is "So what?", then you need serious help, because you haven't a heart.

  My point is, why can't we be nice and just love other people. I'm not saying you have to be friends with everyone. I'm saying, there's something great and beautiful about each and every person, so why not compliment them on that, and leave the insults out of it. Chances are, if your insult is actually true, and not you just being a jerk, they already know about it, so keep your mouth shut.

  Also, like I said, EVERYONE is beautiful in their own way, but a precious few are beautiful on the inside too. If you're constantly nasty to someone, it's safe to say you're not one of those people.


Shalom,