Is comfort a myth?

I didn't post yesterday (duh). I was gone all morning... and then I just didn't feel like it. We got over 2 inches of rain, which is AMAZING, but the rain managed to depress me, and it just was kind of a terrible day.

Yesterday's Blogtember prompt was : react to this term- Comfort.

Comfort? the first thing that came to my mind was: "Does that even exist??"
I've been going through some really tough stuff. I don't feel at all comfortable, but after thinking about it for a moment... something else came to mind. Family, the people I love.

That's my comfort. When I think of comfort and loved ones together, I think sitting around the kitchen table with all my siblings and their spouses home, playing cards or dominos.
I think of movie night with just me and Papa.
I think of going to church with my mom.
I think of laying in bed late at night talking with Ocean, Laina, or Abby.
I think of hugs and kisses with my nephews and nieces.
I think of having a really rough day and texting or emailing my best friends, because even just them knowing I'm struggling helps.
I think of playing with Meredith on Sunday mornings and talking to her mamma, Amanda, about how each of our weeks went.
I think of standing next to Amanda on stage, worshiping.

That's what comfort means to me. Comfort is feeling loved, and passing that on to others.



  OK guys, I leave on vacation tomorrow. This is my last post till I get home on the 9th or 10th. I thought about getting someone to fill in for me while I'm gone, but I felt like this is what God wanted me to do. I will return refreshed, renewed, and with lots of stories.

Don't be surprised if I visit your worlds. It might happen. I love you guys and I pray you have a great next couple of weeks :).


Shalom, 

In a fog.

I'm skipping today's Blogtember topic because I don't write fiction.

Last night... I had a terrible terrible dream. The kind that crushes you and bleeds into your day after you wake up. I know it was just a dream.... but it felt so real. It feels so real....

I'm such a mix of emotions lately. Life isn't too terrible in parts.
 I've got my parents.
My senior year is going fine.
I get to go on vacation with my second family starting Sunday.
I have amazing, supportive friends.
God has promised me so much.

but then there's the stuff that isn't so great.
Dreams that literally shake me.
Having family far away.
Having unsaved family members.
Waiting for God's promises..


My life right-now is such a roller-coaster. Some days I great. I'm going strong and trusting. and other days I'm an absolute train wreck. Oh Lord help me.



Shalom, 

Only a Memory

I'm not really feeling today's prompt of only pictures, but I would like to use yesterday's.... a moment you wish you could relive.

My moment takes me back to March 18th of this year. I was laying in bed, miserable with a cold. I'd just enjoyed my cousin's wedding weekend, in Temecula, California. Becky, Kezley (11 1/2 months at the time) and I were sharing a room at my aunt's friends house. Becky was rushing around the room, packing everything up. It was our last morning there. We were supposed to be getting ready to head to my aunt Bonnie's where I'd meet my parents and we'd hit the road, but I felt like I'd been runover by a truck... twice, So I was being slow. Kezley was walking around the edge of the bed, being a happy little girl. She came to the side I was on, looking quite concerned (typically I'd be up and showered by now). She smiled up at me and said "lalalala...". (The name that Becky chose for Kez to call me, is "Lala") In that moment.... I melted.

In other news, I'm doing something... that feels crazy, but I KNOW that it's what God told me to do, so I'm trusting Him. please be in prayer for me? This is life changing.


Shalom, 

My two cents.

 I know, I know, I didn't post yesterday. My bad. I left the house at 9 and didn't get home till 4:30, so I was tired. Mom and I took Papa to Austin because he was leaving for Europe a didn't want to leave a car a the airport for 12 days :(. Sad to see him go... BUT I did get a Thunder Cloud Sub (If you've never had one, and your ever in Austin, Tx, it's a must.) AND a hair cut... so that made it better. You want a picture?? ;)

Before

Before. Gosh my hair was long...

AFTER! I probably cut 10 or 12 inches off!

I have a piece of exciting news to share....

Each kid has a number on them for the order they were born in.... Becky has a 7 on her belly.... because SHE'S PREGNANT!!!! This is how she told us!!! We're all so excited :D


So, I read this article. I'd love it if you'd read it and give me your opinion. I COMPLETELY agree with the author on every point.

Moving on....
Today on Blogtember the topic is: Pass on some useful advice or information you learned and always remembered. 

All my life I've heard the phrase "God won't give you more than you can handle.", but in the last year or so I've come to find... that's complete bull crap.

The phrase should be "God won't give you more than HE can handle.". I've been through a lot in the last few years. Some has been because of my own choices, and some has just been life; but I know that if I'd continued to try to handle it on my own, I wouldn't still be here today. You see, I've been in dark places. I've been suicidal. I've been depressed and the only reason I'm here today, is because God saved me. I didn't save myself. I wasn't strong enough. I gave up. I fell apart, and He swooped in and picked up the pieces.

I wasn't strong enough, and neither are you. GOD is though. He wants to desperately to help you. His yolk is light. Give your troubles to Him.




Shalom, 

Blogtember

  Back in May, I participated in the "blog everyday in May" challenge. Now Jenni from Story Of My Life has done it again. Though this time she's being much easier on us... Today is our first day, and we only have to blog week days. You can find the challenge here.

The topic for today is: Describe where or what you come from.


Where do I come from??? Oh goodness, here goes.
I come from two hard working, silly, loving people.
I come from Red Mountain Ranch, which has seen plenty of my blood sweat and tears.
I come from a home of mayhem, and I don't quite know whether I should be sad about not remembering what it was like for everyone to live here.
I come from my three amazing, funny, terrifying, strong, mean, loving sisters and my one jerk, goofball, joking buddy of a brother.
I'm quite convinced that I come from music, singing, because it flows from my heart and soul.
I come from a father... a Papa who strongly values hard-work, honesty, and helping other people.
I come from a mother... a Mama who is the strongest woman I know. She has held onto her faith, despite not having a husband who shares it. She taught five kids, runs a ranch, runs a house, and does all the book work. Basically, I come from a super hero.
Lastly, I come from God. Without Him... nothing else would be possible. I pray that my kids will have such good things to say about where they come from.


Shalom,

My mind is swimming with random thoughts.

Would you like to see pictures from Kezley's last day in Texas??

New Piercing!

She didn't like the noise the car made on the dirt road. 

Miss Ava!

My Nieces playing nicely :).

If you ask for kisses, she leans forward with her forehead. 

Swinging like a big girl!

Ocean tells me this a lot... 

In other news....

You know you care about someone when...

You're willing to do something you dislike, just for them. 

They may want nothing to do with you right now, but you still wish them the best and pray for them daily. 

No matter how much they may have hurt you, you will never hate them. 

Waiting for them may not be fun or easy, but you know it's what you need to do. 

My favorite moment...

  I'm cheating on today's whatever wednesday post. The topic is : You're favorite memory from this summer. Well, I'm sorry, but I refuse to chose one moment. I can't. I will,though, stick to play related memories, because Willy Wonka was my favorite thing about this summer.


That time in the lobby where I was "trying" to catch Ben(He played Charlie). We spent a good 15 minutes with him dodging me around a table. 

That Sunday rehearsal when Ocean and I were outside on the bench during break and I was laying on her. 

Backstage with Wesley during either a run-through or an actual performance (I don't remember). Golden Age of Chocolate was happening on stage and he was playing the drums on my legs to the music. 

Teaching Stone how to do "Jazz hands". 

I have many more, but I'm going to stop there...

Oh I'm also going to put this:

All memories from when my sisters and their families were here. Family makes the best memories. 

Y'all, I had an amazing summer. It was far from easy or perfect, but in many ways it changed how I look at life... how I think... how I see my future. That, my friends, is far from a bad thing. Summer 2013 rocked my world. I wouldn't change a thing about it!


How about you?


Shalom, 

A fair life.

Friendship tattoo for Laina and I. Not this placement.

To signify the ability to stop, but the choice to keep going. 

at the fair :)

This weekend was full of doing fair whatnot on Friday with Laina and her family, and family stuff with my own on Saturday and Sunday. The weekend flew by, and I find us nearing Wednesday morning when Becky and Kezley leave us.

I have so... so much on my heart rightnow, but I can't seem to put it into words, so I give up for now. Maybe later. My heart aches and I'm overwhelmed by life. Try as I might, I can't release it. Prayers would be much appreciated.


Shalom, 

I refuse to say "Goodbye".

  It's always fun when family comes to visit, but the time goes much too quickly.

  This morning at 6:30 I found myself sitting at the table yawning; dreading the hugs and kisses I'd have to give in a few minutes that would mean Kt and her beautiful family would be leaving.

  I didn't cry. For the first time in a long time, I didn't burst into tears while I was hugging and kissing this piece of my family.

  It's always been hard to see Kt go, but with those two sweet boys.... it breaks my heart that I'm missing so much of their growing up years. I'm scared.... scared for stupid and absurd reasons... like being scared that next time I see David, he won't call me "Wanna" anymore... that I'll have graduated to "Alana". I'm scared that Caleb won't want cuddles anymore.

  I don't wanna miss out on seeing them grow up. I wish they lived close by so I could see them every week or so and spoil them with hugs and kisses.

   I already miss them. Thank God Becky and Kezley are here.


Shalom, 

I don't appreciate what I have like I should.

No make-up and you know what? I don't care :)

"Push me Wanna!!"

Fun in the pool with Kezley and Becky :)

  This weeks Whatever Wednesday topic is : Someone or something you take for granted.

 I've put a lot of thought into this... and I think I'm pretty good about not taking the people in my life for granted, but I do take my life in general for granted.

 God has blessed me with the beautiful ranch, the ability to grow up worshiping my God when and where I want, being home schooled, the list goes on.

  I'm one of those people that largely lives in the future. I'm constantly planning/ thinking about what's to come. It's rare that I just live in the moment and take it all in.

  I realize that this isn't good... because one day I'll look back and kick myself for not being thankful for the moment I was in.

  The truth is, I have a great life. Is it a super easy one with no problems? Absolutely not, but it's a blessed life. I don't have the boyfriend I want nor am I graduated yet. I don't have my license and I don't see my friends as much as I'd like to. Papa isn't a Christian... but he is an active part of my life. My sisters don't all live close by, but they come to visit, and I can call or text them anytime I want.

  My point is... everything won't always be rosey.... but this life I live? The life that God has given me to live? It's a really great one. I'm gonna work hard to not take it for granted as much.



Shalom,