Chess is harmless... right?

 Today is the very last day in May. I have to say... I'm pretty proud of myself.. 26 posts out of 31 days, and I'm pretty sure there's only one that I didn't do period. The others were just a day late and with another post.  So here's to day 31 *clinks glasses*!


Topic: A vivid memory. 

To be entirely honest, I only have a few vivid memories... one of which, I already shared on May 18th... most of the others, I don't feel comfortable shouting for all the world to read... haha. So I'm gonna go with a mix of two memories, with a jerk I used to know. I talked about him in May 10ths post.

The first time I ever met Danny was at H.E.A.R.T. Club, October 2009. He had just moved from California with his family, and at his first opportunity he crossed to me and introduced himself as if he was the most important person in the entire world for me to meet. I about threw up and avoided him like the plague .. until we got stuck in a play together that December. It was a chess play. I was the black queen, and he (along with Micah) was the grim reaper. Anytime a black chess piece "died" one of the grim reapers was supposed to come escort the piece off stage. Well in the first rehearsal where I "died", Danny came to get me. He pulled me into a standing position, wrapped his chain around my wrists, and held my body tight against his. Needless to say I fought him every step of the way, and every time after that, Micah took me off stage.


Shalom, 


P.S. Shelli's littles are here till Tuesday. Here's to being excited and sorta dreading it at the same time !

Let God

Someday I want my hair to be this color. 

Day 30: React to the term Letting go.

  Letting go means moving on, it doesn't mean forgetting.
  Letting go means to chose to step away from the past and towards the future.

  I've learned a lot about letting go, in the last year, considering everything that's happened with Micah. Letting go is a process. My first step was to let him go physically. I finally listened to God's prompting, and accepted that I wasn't supposed to be with him.
  Next I had to let Him go emotionally. When we first broke up, the plan was to get back together in a year. After being apart for a few months, we both realized that there was nothing but friendship for in our future. We had to let that fairy tale dream of us, go.
   Right now I'm struggling through letting go of the emotions tied to my memories with him. I will never forget our time together, and I wouldn't want to, but I need to be able to look back without being flooded by emotion. Personally, I believe that this is the hardest step of all.

  Letting go... it's an interesting and important concept. Without letting go, we have no chance for the bright future God has planned. I mean, if I refused to let Micah go... well I'd never get my happily ever after, now would I? Today is 10 days shy of a year being single. I have to say that, though I tire of being alone at times, letting Micah go was one of the best choices I've ever made. God has so much better for me. He's cool like that ;).


Shalom, 

Music... the voice of my soul

 Day 29: Five songs that speak to you or bring back memories. 

                                                   Anything But Ordinary- Avril Lavgine 

                                                               More than Useless- Relient K

                                                        Count on Me- Bruno Mars

                                                       Everybody- Ingrid Michaelson

                                        Heads Carolina, Tails California- Danielle Bradbary

Each of these songs speak to me in a special way. I could go on for a long time. This is just a handful of my favorites.

Do any of these songs speak to you? What would your list be?



Shalom, 

Day 28: Only Pictures. Fun with Meredith before church

The Ultimate Sacrifice.

You know what I say about yesterday's topic about something you've read online? I say... who cares. What I care about is what I watched at the movie theater. STAR TREK: INTO DARKNESS. MY GOODNESS THAT MOVIE WAS AMAZING AND PERFECT AND SIMPLY THE BEST MOVIE (Other than 42, but they're in different categories so it's ok) OF THE YEAR. LIKE... IF YOU DIDN'T LOVE IT....THEN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT AN AMAZING MOVIE IS.

I am such a Sci-Fi geek. I will not apologize for my zealousness.

Topic of the day: A letter to your readers. 

  Dear Readers,

I don't even know where to begin. I don't deserve to have y'all as a part of my life, yet here you are reading my sloppy writing style and learning about my messy, crazy life. I call myself blessed to have you. Especially the loyal ones who support me when I'm down, and cheer me on when things are going great. It means so much. Thank you. Thank you for putting up with my rants, break downs, and  over excitedness. This blog is a life source for me at times, and to know that I have real life friends and virtual friends here to support me? Well that rocks. 

shalom, 



I have one more subject my heart is telling me to touch on. 

Memorial Day. 

I don't know anyone personally who gave their life for my freedom, but I am honored to know many men and women who are currently serving or have served in the past. Both of my grandfathers fought in WWII. One of them even lost his eye. Two of my brother-in-laws serve. One in the Air Force on those huge C5 cargo planes, delivering cargo to hostel areas. And the other in the Coast Guard, keeping the mainland safe.

I wanna say thank you to everyone who has, and still does risk their lives so I can have better life. I also want to thank the families of those people, your sacrifice is great as well. You are in my prayers.


Shalom, 

The fight.

Topic for day 25: Something someone told you about yourself that you'll never forget. 

  People have said a lot of things to me over the years, unfortunately, the mean words are the ones that stick. So I wade through... looking for what I want to share...

Once you've crossed that line in a relationship, you will ALWAYS cross that line. Slut. 

  We all know I was too physical in my last relationship... I won't say that statement doesn't scare me, but I refuse to claim it as truth.

  This is the truth: I will have to work hard to keep this next relationship pure. It will never be easy... not until my wedding night and I don't have to try anymore, but that doesn't mean I can't do it. That doesn't mean I haven't changed. That doesn't mean that God isn't bigger than my mistakes. I rest in Him.


Shalom, 

We all screw up somehow

 Topic: Your top three worst traits. 

1) Procrastination. That is hands down the worst thing about me. I can't help it! It's like... in my blood or something.

2) I'm loud. It's not entirely my fault... I get it from my mom... but I talk... and laugh... Really loud. 

3) I'm subconsciously looking for an attractive guy everywhere I go. I don't mean to... but I can't help it.


What are YOUR worst traits?


Shalom, 

Be a firewheel in a field of daisies.

Things you've learned that school won't teach you. 

   Don't be afraid to standout and be who you are. Life has been this way since the beginning of time, the person who stands out is obviously in the wrong, says the world.

  You know what I say? Be YOU. Show the world you're crazy, querky, out of the box personality.


Shalom, 

B-E-A-UTIFUL

  (Am I the only one who says beautiful like that in their head to make sure you spell it right?? Gotta love Bruce Almighty!)

The topic of the day? Rant about something. Get up on your soap box and tell us how you really feel. 

  It's hard to miss the rude person whose been calling me anorexic and ugly the last few months anonymously right here on my blog. Obviously I know better, and their nasty words don't change that, but it's really go me thinking... what about the girls who don't know that their pretty?

  I wish I understood why it's such a normal human default to put other people down. Whether we're being serious or just kidding, insults are typically the first words that come out of our mouths. We're constantly tearing people down for one reason or another and not caring about the consequences.

  What if you're words were the last straw for that person and they go home and kill themselves? If your answer is "So what?", then you need serious help, because you haven't a heart.

  My point is, why can't we be nice and just love other people. I'm not saying you have to be friends with everyone. I'm saying, there's something great and beautiful about each and every person, so why not compliment them on that, and leave the insults out of it. Chances are, if your insult is actually true, and not you just being a jerk, they already know about it, so keep your mouth shut.

  Also, like I said, EVERYONE is beautiful in their own way, but a precious few are beautiful on the inside too. If you're constantly nasty to someone, it's safe to say you're not one of those people.


Shalom, 

We all fall at times.

  Monday's prompt was :Get real. share something you're struggling with right now.

  For me, there always seems to be something, but the biggest one is probably contentment. I see such a bright and exciting future full of love and adventure. I can't wait to get past this yucky stage of life called high-school  I was to be married and living life to the fullest.

  That's not where God has me right-now though. To go on to anything after high-school, I have to graduate. I have lessons I've yet to learn, lives to touch, and experience to get. I may not like this stage of my life, but God knows exactly what He's doing. :)

  Today's prompt is: A list of links to your favorite posts in your archives. 

His Pleasure
I've got a dream
Dear...
My lot in life
Are we door mats?
and
Live at peace

Do y'all have a favorite post of mine?


Shalom, 




P.S. I had the most fantastic Sunday night and Monday with two of my bestest friends, Laina and Ocean!

The event that gave me my one thing I wish I could change.

The topic for today is :Tell a story from your childhood. Dig deep and try to remember how you felt. 

When I was reminded what today is... I knew exactly what memory to talk about.

Rewind to 7 years ago today. A ten year old, oblivious me, was just doing her school in the living room. If I remember correctly, I was home alone with Becky and Ethan. My parents were out of town. Becky walks into the room and hands me a phone, telling me that Shelli has something to tell me. I don't remember how she worded it, but this is what she told me: Michael Burrhus (a man from my church) had died in a motorcycle accident on the way to work.
I don't think reality hit me until we were at his funeral a few days later, and I saw his wife Anita (Nene is what I've always called her) sobbing uncontrollably at the alter. This man, who was basically like an uncle to me (Nene is still like an aunt) was gone. I'd taken for granted knowing him most of my life. I was annoyed by all his teasing, but now? I would do anything to have that time back.
Mike was the kind of man that you couldn't help but love. He blessed every life he touched, and brought a smile to every face. He cherished his family,  and made those that weren't his blood feel like family.
I remember the months after his death... seeing Nene crying during worship at church, and just going to her and us hugging eachother and crying together. I, we all still miss him so much. Just writing about him is breaking my heart all over again. He's the reason I can't stand motorcycles, and he is the one thing that I wish I could change. No, I wouldn't bring him back, but I would cherish the time I got to spend with him more. I would ask him more questions about life, and just be with him. Oh how I would do things differently..

Love and miss you Mike. 

Shalom, 

Does anyone REALLY have a favorite??

Today's topic is :Your favorite photo of yourself and why. 

  Well, I realize how this is gonna sound, but I can't chose a favorite. So I've going to share a few with you and tell you what they mean to me. I don't love them because of how I look in them, I love them because of the day or time in my life when the photo was taken.

This is my life long best friend, Abby and I. I love this because it reminds me of a time of running wild and being free. Not caring what people think. Just being silly and goofy.

This, my friends, is my amazing aunt Bonnie. I love this picture because of the memories it brings back. Playing Jacks with Bonnie and just enjoying family time. I am so blessed to have an aunt like her.

My love for this one comes from the fact that not only do I adore my big sister Becky, but that was an awesome trip. I'm in California at Great America, living it up with Becky. Making her go on the rides that flip you upside-down, and her making me go on the rides that spin you. That trip was full of Becky and me (Daniel some too) time. It really was the best.

This was taken Memorial day weekend 2012. It was a day full of laughter, food, and family. That's why I love it so much. It was the perfect day.

This picture was obviously taken just a few weeks ago. My love for this picture comes from the fact that not only is it a beautiful picture, but it's my mom and I together. We may not get along the greatest sometimes, but I wouldn't trade her for ANY other mom out there. She's taught me so much about life and living. She's made me who I am. She's put up with me for 17 1/2 years despite what a brat I can be. Y'all, she deserves an award.

So there you have it. My favorite pictures.

Shalom, 

My lot in life, but do I really have cause to complain?

  So today's topic is : Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it. 

  As soon as I read that today, I felt God pulling on my heart to share something very personal and close to me.

  This is a post I've been trying to write for awhile now, but today is the day God has in mind. Here goes:

  I was born with a condition, disease, defect, whatever you would like to call it, called Female Epispadias. I think it's safe to say that most, if not all of you don't know what that is, so here's the break down. 
When I was born, instead of having a neck and sphincter at the bottom of my bladder, it was just open. My mom noticed (with me being her fourth girl) that I didn't look normal down there, so I had plastic surgery when I was a baby to look normal. 
  It wasn't until I was 3 or so (whatever the normal potty training age is), that my mom realized something was wrong. She would put me in underwear instead of a diaper, and I'd be wet immediately. Next the doctor visits began, they took me to a Urologist in Austin. A simple procedure to measure the size of my bladder was done (water was inserted into my bladder and then an ultrasound was done.). Well with only 30 cc (I think) my bladder popped. Emergency surgery was done to sew me back up, and I have a pretty epic scar on my abdomen from it. 
  So the prognosis was this, I had to wear diapers all the time. Between 3 and 9 (I think..) I had several surgeries to make my life easier. Something called deflux(kind of a hardening gel) was inserted on either side of the neck of my bladder to act as a sphincter of sorts. Through the surgeries and me working hard to stretch my bladder, I eventually was able to only wear diapers at night and wear pads during the day (which is a huge upgrade by the way). Unfortunately, there's no medical 100% fix for this. 
  I've always known that God is bigger than my problems though. Last August, a week or so before I left for my California trip, I listened to the prompting of God's voice... despite how scary it was... and slept without a diaper OR pad. I was perfectly fine, but oh me of little faith. Did i trust Gods healing and stop usin diapers and pads? No, I instead  quit wearing diapers, and switched to just pads all the time. God reminded me of this when I was packing for the trip. My plan had been to take diapers, just because I would be sharing a bed with people.. and it wouldn't be my bed. Well, as I was packing, I began to get frustrated. For one, I'd never packed without my mom there if I needed her, and two, I couldn't fit everything I needed in my suitcase. I began to fall apart and cry. I can't really explain why I was so scared, but I was. A small voice said "Call Angela". So I did. I called my lovely youth leader and spilled my guts to her. She told me that the devil was trying to take my victory. She told me not to be scared, and to claim what God has given me. I went on that trip with just pads, and haven't worn a diaper since. 
  My own fear of failure has kept me from taking the next step. You see, people have been praying miraculous healing over me, my entire life. But God has another way for me. He has something great to teach me here, and I'm too chicken to learn it. This is a subject that terrifies me, because I finally know what to do, and I can't seem to make myself do it. This isn't the first time God's tried to teach me obedience and trust.  
  So this is my life, my journey. I just bared one of the deepest parts of my soul to you. I hope that maybe my life, err God's work through my life, can teach you something. 

Shalom, 

A day in time

The topic for today is:A typical day

Here goes nothing:

I wake up around 6:30 to Papa yelling at me to get out of bed... some mornings take longer than others for me to drag myself out of bed. Typically it depends on how persistent Papa is being... and whether I have to be anywhere.

I'm up by 7 and heading out to do chores. Feeding the horses, goats, dogs,and chickens, giving the orphan goats their lamber ( basically a bucket with nipples hooked up to straws so several animals can drink milk at once.), and of course petting all the cats especially the kittens.

Back in the house somewhere between 8 and 8:30 to eat breakfast and have computer time before starting school at 9. At 11 or 11:30 I stop school and take Ethan and Tori's dog for a walk/ get my music time. This is one of my favorite times of the day because I get to listen and sing to my music. Would you like to know who I've been obsessed with lately?
Words- Hawk Nelson
Hide your love away- Anthem Lights
Strangely Dim- Francesca Battistelli
Pumped Up Kicks- Mackenzie Bourg
Everybody Talks- Michaela Paige

Anyways, after that is lunch and a favorite TV show with mom. Once that's over it's back to school until 4ish. Now that I have rehearsal most nights, chores would be next and then a shower play rehearsal, and depending on how late it is, another TV show before bed.

So yeah, that's my day :).


Shalom,

Oh how joyful :)

Today's topic is 10 things that make you really happy. 

  1) Passionate, bone chilling, goosebump giving music.
  2)Worshiping my God.
  3)Willy Wonka with my Ocean.
  4) Pinterest with my Laina.
  5) Sharing encouragement and growth with my Rachael.
  6) My whole family gathered around our table to play cards or dominos.
  7) Movies with Papa.
  8) Talking careers with Mom.
  9)Shopping with my sisters.
  10)Frozen Yogurt at Fresh and Fruity with Tori.


What makes you happy?


Shalom, 

Maybe we're born with it

 Yesterday's topic was What do you miss ( A person, place, a time in your life).

This is a tough thing for me.. simply because I want to pour my heart out on the right subject, so here goes.

I miss fingers laced together.
I miss sneaking a kiss when my dad goes to get the pop corn at the movies.
I miss tickle fights when I would beg you to stop.
I miss those hugs. The kind that always reminded me that everything would be OK.
I miss dinner with your family, talking with your dad, and laughing with your sister. 
I miss YOU. 

I don't miss the relationship. I miss the time spent. I miss my best friend. 


Today's topic is A public apology. 

Anonymous, I'm sorry that you're so hurting that you feel the need to take stabs at me. I'm sorry that you seem to have such a terrible self-image that you're trying to destroy mine. I'm sorry that I can eat junk food all day everyday and not be fat (actually I'm not sorry about that one). I'm sorry that you can't find happiness in who you are.. so you have to attempt (won't work with me) to take it away from others.
I really feel sorry for you. I'm praying for you.


Shalom, 



P.S. I was serious about my apology. I wasn't being sarcastic or anything of the sort. 

Does my description even matter?

Today's topic: Sell yourself in 10 words or less

I've decided that instead of me selling myself, I'll let the words that God has spoken to me personally, do the talking. Because my words are meaningless unless they come from God anyways.

Strong, Beautiful, Spotless, Loyal, Chosen, Childlike, Gifted, HIS. 


Shalom, 

Thinking hurts...

Yesterday I was in Austin with one of my favorite families (well some of them atleast), Laina, her littlest brother Connor, and her mom Shannon; shopping! It was great fun.

Yesterday's topic was A moment in your day. 

Here is two.

Can you say hideous?? Laina and I laughed at this.. 

I tried on a romper (for the heck of it) for the first time ever. Laina,  tried on an adorable dress :)

Today's topic: Most embarrassing moment. 

This is a hard one for me.. I've had my share of embarrassing moments, but I've blocked most of them out.. so here goes..


In January 2011 I was in a play with my homeschool group. It was a lot of fun, because each of us got to make our own character, and the directors put them all together in a plot.

Anyways, I was a snotty rich girl. At the begining of the play, I had to walk by thease two guys (basketball players in the play) and basically "check them out" and "hit on them". These two guys? My ex (I only dated the guy for like a month..) and a guy who had had a crush on me our entire lives... It was mortifying. Thank God I got to snottily tell them off when they "asked me out"..


Shalom, 


P.S. I got a part in Willy Wonka!! I get to be Mrs. Teavee :). I am beyond excited! I simply cannot wait until first rehearsal on Tuesday!! Especially since Ocean got a part too!

In the blink of an eye

Today's topic is: A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all.

(Please keep in mind that I realize that not everyone is this way. Just some people, so please don't get offended. I'm attacking no one.)

The world today is so gosh dang fast moving. There's no time anymore for family meals and family game night with the average household. Heck, the average household is a broken home, but that's beside the point.

Mothers are out in the work place along with their husbands, kids have school all day and often sports or some other after school activity. Then there's "me" time. The time when everyone gets to do what they want to go do. Often times, that leaves nothing for spending with the people who love you the most. If you didn't know this already, that's your family. Friends are fantastic blessings, and are to be cherished, but family is the biggest blessing of all. Those are the people who will be there with you for your entire life, no matter what. Blood is thicker than water, you know.

I'm not by any means saying that you shouldn't have friends. What I am saying, is there should be a bigger emphasis on family. Each person can have their job, school, lives, and still make time to be a family, but a lot of people don't. This is just yet another reason why I love homeschooling. Not to say that public schoolers can't have family time too (because they SO can, I've seen it many times), homeschooling is just practically set up for family time. Despite the fact that my dad is gone..  a lot.. I still see him quite a bit, because even on days when he goes to work he doesn't leave the house until at least 11. I wouldn't get that time with him if I was at school.

Anyways, this isn't about promoting homeschooling. This is about promoting family time. Please spend time with your family.. play a game.. eat supper... something. Before you know it.. your time with them will be gone.


Shalom, 

History Maker

Today's topic is :The thing(s) you're most afraid of

This was a really tough one for me. It was important for me to truly represent my deepest fear, so I couldn't take this lightly.

My biggest fear, to put it simply, is that I'll repeat history. It really does scare me that I might have to relearn a lesson, and live with the consequences and the scars of the repeat.

I've made my share of mistakes in this life, and bare the battle wounds of them. The last thing I want is to have to live that again. To slip into old habits. To hurt other people in the process. No thank you.

I want to be a history maker, not a history repeater.

What are you most afraid of?

Shalom,