Is comfort a myth?

I didn't post yesterday (duh). I was gone all morning... and then I just didn't feel like it. We got over 2 inches of rain, which is AMAZING, but the rain managed to depress me, and it just was kind of a terrible day.

Yesterday's Blogtember prompt was : react to this term- Comfort.

Comfort? the first thing that came to my mind was: "Does that even exist??"
I've been going through some really tough stuff. I don't feel at all comfortable, but after thinking about it for a moment... something else came to mind. Family, the people I love.

That's my comfort. When I think of comfort and loved ones together, I think sitting around the kitchen table with all my siblings and their spouses home, playing cards or dominos.
I think of movie night with just me and Papa.
I think of going to church with my mom.
I think of laying in bed late at night talking with Ocean, Laina, or Abby.
I think of hugs and kisses with my nephews and nieces.
I think of having a really rough day and texting or emailing my best friends, because even just them knowing I'm struggling helps.
I think of playing with Meredith on Sunday mornings and talking to her mamma, Amanda, about how each of our weeks went.
I think of standing next to Amanda on stage, worshiping.

That's what comfort means to me. Comfort is feeling loved, and passing that on to others.



  OK guys, I leave on vacation tomorrow. This is my last post till I get home on the 9th or 10th. I thought about getting someone to fill in for me while I'm gone, but I felt like this is what God wanted me to do. I will return refreshed, renewed, and with lots of stories.

Don't be surprised if I visit your worlds. It might happen. I love you guys and I pray you have a great next couple of weeks :).


Shalom, 

For the love of.....

 So today's Blogtember topic is favorite online shops. I don't do online shopping really.... so I'm skipping today.

I have news for you though! From September 23rd- October 9th, I will either be in or on my way to(back from) Florida! I'm beyond excited :D. I'm going with Laina and her family :). Disney World, here we come!!
Since I'll be on vacation, I've decided to take a blogger break. It will be a good recharge for me :).

Anyways, lately I've had puppies on the brain... and last night, it was Australian Sheppard puppies to be specific. So I thought I'd overwhelm you with cuteness....

I'm definitely a cat person, but there's nothing quite like a loyal dog. Someday I'll have an Aussie again. If this wasn't a stupid time of my life to get one, and my mom wouldn't be pissed, I'd be looking for one to buy right now... 

Shalom, 

The wake up call.

My sweet Archie. She's the best dog in the world. Becky said I look like I'm 10 in this picture....

I couldn't get over the sky... 

God really out did Himself when He painted the sky for me last night. 

Such a pretty night for a walk.

Can I just say that I have some of the most amazing friends on the planet? Okay, so yesterday was an extra mopey, and just down day for me. I was complaining to one of my best friends, Abby Chandler. We were just texting and sometimes she tends to disappear, well last night was one of those times. It didn't bother me really, I was tired, so I went to bed. I slipped off into dream land and was woken up around 12:30 Am. I don't remember what my dream was, but I do know my eyes were wet, anyways, it was Abby... this is what she had to say:

"And I just realized I never responded, I thought I had. You aren't a mess... I'm just sad you think that. Where is the positive, radiant and self confident Alana who had been showing her beautiful face so much these past few months? 

Not just the past few months, this past year I have seen so many positive changes in your attitude and outlook on life. Micah often brought you down. Don't let this situation make you, make the situation. 

I'm so sad right now..... 

I'm dredging up all these memories, these terrible memories that make me want to claw whatever part of my being it is that feels, out. I'm the pathetic one. I'm the one who is a mess.. you've no idea the darkness I carry around in me all of the time. And no matter the change I so desperately want, it wont happen.. I cleave to the very things that make me so impure, so ridiculously worldly and disgusting. You're a vessel of light. You're beautiful. You are going to be out of high school soon, you'll be driving soon, you will be 18 soon;) you have sooo much to look forward to in the next few years, and I understand you are excited about meeting your life partner, and being with him, but don't let time slip through your fingers. It sounds cliche but as hard is here and now is, the next step will always prove to be a little more challenging. Try to find at least one good thing about your day. If you can't, jut remember there will never be another today, and we aren't promised a tomorrow, babe. As they say, YOLO ;)"

Needless to say... my eyes were REALLY wet after reading that. She showed me something. I'm so busy living for "tomorrow" and being excited about whats to come, that I've become depressed and bitter about "today". That's not right. God has so many amazing things for me in my future, but I can't get there by being a bitter, grumpy, whiny person today. I need to live every moment like it's my last, and be thankful for all I have right now. 

Today's Blogtember topic is : Tell us about a time you were afraid. 

I'm not going to, though, because I think the story above fills the bill on that one. I'm afraid right now. I'm afraid that who I am is going to screw up who I want to be and the future I want to have. They're irrational fears, but fears none the less. So there you have it. 

Shalom, 

My favorite moment...

  I'm cheating on today's whatever wednesday post. The topic is : You're favorite memory from this summer. Well, I'm sorry, but I refuse to chose one moment. I can't. I will,though, stick to play related memories, because Willy Wonka was my favorite thing about this summer.


That time in the lobby where I was "trying" to catch Ben(He played Charlie). We spent a good 15 minutes with him dodging me around a table. 

That Sunday rehearsal when Ocean and I were outside on the bench during break and I was laying on her. 

Backstage with Wesley during either a run-through or an actual performance (I don't remember). Golden Age of Chocolate was happening on stage and he was playing the drums on my legs to the music. 

Teaching Stone how to do "Jazz hands". 

I have many more, but I'm going to stop there...

Oh I'm also going to put this:

All memories from when my sisters and their families were here. Family makes the best memories. 

Y'all, I had an amazing summer. It was far from easy or perfect, but in many ways it changed how I look at life... how I think... how I see my future. That, my friends, is far from a bad thing. Summer 2013 rocked my world. I wouldn't change a thing about it!


How about you?


Shalom, 

A fair life.

Friendship tattoo for Laina and I. Not this placement.

To signify the ability to stop, but the choice to keep going. 

at the fair :)

This weekend was full of doing fair whatnot on Friday with Laina and her family, and family stuff with my own on Saturday and Sunday. The weekend flew by, and I find us nearing Wednesday morning when Becky and Kezley leave us.

I have so... so much on my heart rightnow, but I can't seem to put it into words, so I give up for now. Maybe later. My heart aches and I'm overwhelmed by life. Try as I might, I can't release it. Prayers would be much appreciated.


Shalom, 

The three months that rocked my world.

 Today was the last day of Willy Wonka. People keep asking me if I'm glad, or if this is bittersweet... I can't say either is an accurate representation of how I feel right now. I'm actually a little bit heart broken. I never knew it would feel like this. I expected to be sad about it being over and saying bye to everyone, but I didn't expect it to be this bad.

  I didn't want to say my goodbyes to anyone, but there were several people that I feel the urge to cry. Those people would be Maribeth ( Violet's mother), Seth (Grandpa Joe), Wesley (The Candy Man), Mandi (Mrs. Bucket), and of course Ocean (an Oompa Loompa). I might elaborate on these people at a later date, but for now just know that they were a huge part of making this an amazing summer. I will miss everyone, but these people really touched my life.

  I think I've caught the acting bug. I have a desire to be in more plays now. Whether it's a musical or not. Just the whole experience... and the people... I'm addicted now.

  So I'm here nursing my hurting heart, praying that these people don't forget about me, because I know I won't be forgetting about them. Thank you for all y'alls prayers. I'm so thankful that I listened to God's prompting about being part of this play.

Here are a few pictures from the show:

Charlie and Grandpa Joe

Bucket Family

Candy Man and Candy Kids

Wonka and the Oompa Loompas

Cast. It's terrible of some of us, but oh well.. haha

Shalom, 

Ink

Y'all all know that I have a thing for tattoos, so I thought I'd share some that I really like. Most of these I would never actually get, because all of my tattoos will have a special meaning to me behind them, but I'll point out any that I do want to get.

I'd consider doing this. It represents the ability to stop, but the choice to continue.

I really like this, because it represents who I am. A song bird.

Someday I'll have this on my lower back. 

I want this on my shoulder/back with the mockingjay pin :)

I'm not sure yet where it'll be. Maybe my wrist. but this will be my first tattoo.  It'll remind me that I'm a jewel/something to be cherished.

There are other tattoos that I know I wan't but don't have pictures of. One of these days, I'll have Laina draw them on me, and I'll post them for you to see :).


Shalom, 

We all fall at times.

  Monday's prompt was :Get real. share something you're struggling with right now.

  For me, there always seems to be something, but the biggest one is probably contentment. I see such a bright and exciting future full of love and adventure. I can't wait to get past this yucky stage of life called high-school  I was to be married and living life to the fullest.

  That's not where God has me right-now though. To go on to anything after high-school, I have to graduate. I have lessons I've yet to learn, lives to touch, and experience to get. I may not like this stage of my life, but God knows exactly what He's doing. :)

  Today's prompt is: A list of links to your favorite posts in your archives. 

His Pleasure
I've got a dream
Dear...
My lot in life
Are we door mats?
and
Live at peace

Do y'all have a favorite post of mine?


Shalom, 




P.S. I had the most fantastic Sunday night and Monday with two of my bestest friends, Laina and Ocean!

Does anyone REALLY have a favorite??

Today's topic is :Your favorite photo of yourself and why. 

  Well, I realize how this is gonna sound, but I can't chose a favorite. So I've going to share a few with you and tell you what they mean to me. I don't love them because of how I look in them, I love them because of the day or time in my life when the photo was taken.

This is my life long best friend, Abby and I. I love this because it reminds me of a time of running wild and being free. Not caring what people think. Just being silly and goofy.

This, my friends, is my amazing aunt Bonnie. I love this picture because of the memories it brings back. Playing Jacks with Bonnie and just enjoying family time. I am so blessed to have an aunt like her.

My love for this one comes from the fact that not only do I adore my big sister Becky, but that was an awesome trip. I'm in California at Great America, living it up with Becky. Making her go on the rides that flip you upside-down, and her making me go on the rides that spin you. That trip was full of Becky and me (Daniel some too) time. It really was the best.

This was taken Memorial day weekend 2012. It was a day full of laughter, food, and family. That's why I love it so much. It was the perfect day.

This picture was obviously taken just a few weeks ago. My love for this picture comes from the fact that not only is it a beautiful picture, but it's my mom and I together. We may not get along the greatest sometimes, but I wouldn't trade her for ANY other mom out there. She's taught me so much about life and living. She's made me who I am. She's put up with me for 17 1/2 years despite what a brat I can be. Y'all, she deserves an award.

So there you have it. My favorite pictures.

Shalom,